An apology to my boot camp instructor!!!

During my last post I may have accidentally insinuated that my boot camp instructor seemed to be getting larger and larger every week. Word on the street is that said instructor, (Let's call her Mrs. Orange to keep her anonymous) may in fact be with child. My bad Mrs. Orange!!! Please don't take anything that I've been accused of saying by fellow classmates out on me. The class as a whole are bunch of lying conniving thugs that can not be trusted. They are the types that would steal ham out of their relatives refrigerator, or push old grandma down the stairs for pure entertainment. The two of us are much better people Mrs. Orange.

I think it's because we have so much in common. Take our names for instance. Your first name starts with a J, so does mine. Your last name starts with a B, what do you know, mine does too. We are both natural blonde's, intelligent and respected in our community. Our father's are both great teachers. Yours on the baseball diamond and mine is teaching the world that the F bomb is just not a 4 letter word. Lastly, and most similar is our abdominal area. True most people prefer a six pack. But, why have a six pack when you can have the whole keg. Know what I'm saying!!! I kid Mrs. Orange, I'm a kidder!!!

In closing, I have to say your class brings me great pleasure. I can't get enough reverse thrust squats, air out your crotch areas and my favorite sumo squats. Thanks to you the morning after our Monday and Wednesday workouts, (beat downs) I'm sore in places I didn't even know I had. For that Mrs. Orange I am thankful, even though the rest of the class really hates you.

On a running note: 7 miles, lighting fast 1 hour 30 minutes, 761 calories, average heart rate 1.8.
R.I.P.

I can't weight until I'm no longer fatally obese!!!

Weight... my nemesis!!!


If I want to get faster and reach my goal of a sub 4 hour marathon, losing the large sack of flab around my mid-section is the answer. Research has shown that, on average, runners get 2 seconds per mile faster for every pound they lose. My goal is to weigh 200 pounds by the end of November. Bringing my total weight loss to 36 pounds, that's over 1 minute and 12 seconds faster for each mile. Equating that to time saving during a marathon, (26.2 miles, that's how far the NYC Marathon is***), we're talking thirty one freakin minutes. My best time for a marathon is 4 hour and 7 minutes, according to this information by losing my extra baggage a 3 hr. an 36 minute marathon could be within striking distance. The numbers don't lie folks... now to come up with a plan to make this a reality.

Here is my simple strategy to lose weight...

1. Do whatever my running coach tells me to do.

2. Continue to go to boot camp twice a week and do what the instructor tells me to do. Confidentially... I do this with some resistance, it seems that the instructor is getting fatter and fatter each week. In my opinion, not a good sign.

3. Eat 6 SMALL meals each day.

4. Don't listen to stomach as it cries and whines while I type this.

5. If all else fails I'll try liposuction, or possibly tape worms.

Following the above steps should have me around the 2 century mark in no time. Fortunately for all of you, I'll continue to monitor and update my progress. In the meantime run, or whatever you do, in peace.

*** BTW All Marathons are 26.2!!!

Put Up, or Shut Up!!!

In case you haven't heard on November 7 I'm scheduled to run my fifth marathon, the ING New York City Marathon. Ironically, I've been told the marathon actually takes place along the streets of New York City. Imagine that. In fact, it runs through all five boroughs Brooklyn, Queens, Bronx, Manhattan and Staten Island. It looks to be the most challenge marathon of my tiny marathon career, but don't take my word for it. While perusing the NYC marathon web site I came along an article on course strategy by Bob Glover. He says... "No marathon is easy, but the ING NYC Marathon can be tougher than most because of the course. It's not fast-don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You need to be realistic with your time goals or you will be setting yourself up for disappointment." Well...isn't that special, disappointment happens to be my middle name.

I mean this in the most respectable way to both Mr. Glover and the ING NYC Marathon, "Suck It", cause it's on like Donkey Kong!!! As the title says, it's time for me to put up, or shut up. This marathon will be the one where I conquer my "White Whale", of a sub-four hour marathon. No more excuses. No more chalking it up to a bad day. Hell, I've had four of them already...

There was the 100% humidity followed by dehydration and cramping during my first attempt in Sarasota... Followed by my cocky and rookie mistake of starting out way too fast to later die on the hills in Philly... Then I took on the sleet and iced over streets of Disney. It probably didn't help that I ran the half the day before, but none the less it was fucking cold. In fact, the only thing colder was the reception I got from my wife when she finally found me after the marathon. But, that's a whole other post... My fourth and final attempt, disappointment, was the A1A marathon in Ft.Lauderdale where I hit the wall at mile 20, zapped of all energy. I don't think I fully recovered from the "Disney Freeze Fest" and this played into my crash.

The above marathons are all but forgotten. The lessons from the four have been learned. Now it's time to move on. Over the next few months my plan will take shape, and I plan on (Boring) sharing it with all of you. Putting my goals out for all that care to see... whether I land on my feet, or my face is all up to me!!! R.I.P.

Pick Me!!! Pick Me!!!

The wait is almost over... Will I be rejected for the second time in as a many years??? I feel like the nerdy kid in grade school waiting to see if I get picked for the kick ball game.

The lottery selection for this years running of the New York City Marathon is tomorrow. To make things even more interesting, the New York Road Runners are showing the event live on the Internet. Nice!!! This way I won't have to wait for an email of rejection.

The good news is the "Big Apple" can only deny me one more time. So, worst case my fat ass will be running through the five boroughs in 2012. If I get kicked to the curb my back up plan is the Marine Corp Marathon in D.C.

It's all up to you N.Y. N.Y.!!! R.I.P.!!!